End Zone Recovery

The opposing offense was on the four-yard line with thirty seconds left in the half. The ball was snapped, the quarterback drove into the end zone, fumbled AND SKYHAWKS RECOVERED!

The most amazing part of those few sentences is not only that I understand them, but that I said them, of my own free thinking, to another friend (a football fan) and HE UNDERSTOOD IT TOO!

You have to understand my football-related background to fully appreciate the gravity of this event.

I have never (stress NEVER) understood football. I was occasionally forced to attend games where my brother played in the high school band, and would spend the entire game staring blankly at the field trying to figure out why the players were chasing each other.

And it’s not for anyone’s lack of trying. My dad, my grandfather, several friends and two boyfriends have tried desperately to break the game into the smallest pieces possible… but I could never get it.

The ideas of “downs,” “sacks,” “fair catches” and “flags” were completely foreign to me. It’s almost as if those well-meaning friends and family members had suddenly started speaking Bulgarian and sprouted four heads.

But somehow, gradually, the light has dawned. And my husband, bless his patient heart, is singing the hallelujah chorus.

I don’t know why it all started to stick. Maybe it’s the fact that I actually enjoy going to Skyhawk football games. Maybe it’s my extreme dislike of being lost in anything.

Or it might just be the fact that I am now eternally bound to a football fan (and former player), so I might as well familiarize myself with enemy territory.

It’s gotten to the point that I can actually sit and halfway watch a football game with the mister. I’m not yelling at the screen and hanging on the announcer’s every word, but I am at least aware of the action and following the general progression of the game.

It’s likely that I’m reading, doing homework or something else at the same time, but I think it still counts that I’m sitting there and at least know who’s playing.

I will never understand why Green Bay fans wear giant cheese wedges on their heads, but then again, I don’t think anyone will ever know that.

The Mrs.’s Wonderful List of Football Terms and What They Mean:

  • Line of scrimmage: The imaginary line where all the players line up and face each other
  • Downs: The four chances you get to move ten yards from the original line of scrimmage. But you can have more than 10 yards to go if you have to move backwards.
  • Fumble: When the receiver catches the ball and drops it.
  • Incomplete pass: When the receiver doesn’t catch the ball at all.
  • Interception: When someone from the other team catches the ball.
  • Fair catch: When the player catches the ball and goes down on one knee. This means he can’t be tackled, which I think is a wimpy way to catch.
  • Sack: When the quarterback gets tackled. You get points for this.
  • Safety: I don’t know this one yet.
  • End zone dance: When the players jump around and chest-bump each other after scoring a touchdown. Taken to be a sign of surging testosterone.

**I am trying to get back on my Monday afternoon posting schedule. Please continue to be patient with me.


4 thoughts on “End Zone Recovery

  1. Check your definition of a fair catch. What you described is a touchback if it is in the endzone. Fair catch involves signalling to the defense by waving your hand in the air before catching a punt. You can’t be tackled…but neither can you advance the ball.

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