Only here…

  • . . . are motorized wheelchairs street legal and often seen riding to WalMart.
  • . . . do chihuahuas ride in the front baskets of those wheelchairs while the confederate flag flies proudly in the back.
  • . . . do ram lambs develop personality disorders after spending too much of their young lives in the same pen with the goats.
  • . . . do most of your classmates consider cowboy boots to be formal attire.
  • . . . do we have a school phantom, with his own twitter account and youtube channel.
  • . . . is it a popular pastime to count the camouflage hats in the cafeteria.
  • . . . is, “sorry professor, I was herding the goats” an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
  • . . . do calves get named after the ex-wives of ‘90s boy band stars.
  • . . . can you pretty much tell time by which residence hall’s fire alarm is going off.
  • . . . do fully-grown deer commit suicide by climbing the UC outer stairs and then jumping from the second story.
  • . . . do you see tractors that could run over small houses in the festival parade.
  • . . . do squirrels take aim and fire with very high accuracy.
  • . . . do we take an entire week to celebrate a tiny, tasteless bean with concerts and overpriced fairway booths.
  • . . . do we avoid potholes that could swallow a semi on the campus farm road.
  • . . . does the golf team practice by shooting balls into the cow pastures. . . with the cows.
  • . . . do rejected suitors sell the engagement ring in the school paper.
  • . . . is it expected that a young man’s arms will look like they are bolted into his body during the summer.
  • . . . do we have a paranormal activity group that routinely scans the campus buildings for signs of disgruntled afterlife.
  • . . . do we have buildings where you can enter the same door three times and somehow seem to end up in three different hallways.
  • . . . do the local disaster response teams conduct full-scale drills for the benefit of a student journalism competition.
  • . . . can we truthfully say we listen to the Best College Radio Station in the Nation.
  • . . . can you greet the Dean of Academic Affairs in the hallway and he stops to ask about your day.
  • . . . is it not unusual to see professors eating with students in the cafeteria discussing novels, movies and local restaurants.
  • . . . is it not unusual to see those same professors come back tomorrow to discuss philosophy, religion, politics and classic literature.
  • . . . do we have a “House Band” made up of English, history and philosophy professors who rock out at the local coffee shop and advertise their concerts in class.
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