“You’d better love me. Like lots of babies love me.”

The drain in our apartment shower has been draining too slowly for more than a month. Probably more than two months, actually, since I remember warning my brother before commencement that the shower would back up some.
It amazes me how much power human beings have to ignore problems when the solutions are unpleasant – to the extent that the Mister and I went several weeks showering in two or three inches of water because neither of us wanted to get down and fix the cause.
Don’t get me wrong – we bought liquid plumber in various brands and followed the directions religiously… we just weren’t willing to address the real cause of the problem. Until about a week ago.
The Mister, my hero, finally rolled up his sleeves one Sunday afternoon, unwrapped the pipe snake from the new Draino bottle, and went to work. It wasn’t long before I heard loud groans and the phrase, “Honey, you’d better really love me. A lot. Like, lots of babies a lot.”
However, I didn’t understand the true extent of his anguish until I went to check on him and found him stretched along the rim of the tub on his belly, trying to see down the drain to retrieve the length of pipe snake that had broken off and gotten lodged in the bend of the pipe.
Two sets of pliers, a screwdriver, a flashlight held in his mouth and a fall into the tub later, he launched the broken snake into the trash and proclaimed, “Don’t anybody tell me I’m not going to be a good surgeon!” I have to admit, I was pretty impressed. The shower is cleared and, after seeing the results of the surgery, I truly do love the Mister.
You see, cleaning drains of all kinds falls into that category of things men (primarily husbands and boyfriends) are supposed to do. I’m not one to be a stickler about “women’s jobs” and “men’s jobs,” but there are just some things that I am not meant to do. Like unclog drains, clean up non-human waste products and deal with the creatures of the night [as illustrated in Facing My Frog.]
Maybe it’s because I was raised in a home where my father did things for my mother, but I have never understood men who refuse to do things for their wives. Isn’t your job as the head of the household supposed to be to care for, provide for and generally keep your best asset (aka-your wife) happy? How does that work if your wife, who cleans your clothes, cooks your food, cleans up after your friends, keeps your schedule and generally serves as your personal assistant, comes home from working all day and you can’t even stoop to take out the trash for her?
(Disclaimer here: when I say that a man’s job is to keep his wife happy, that does not in any way mean that the wife should not do things for her husband and try to make his life comfortable and enjoyable as well. I’m just noticing a lot of marriages lately where it seems to be the wife doing everything and the husband playing video games while he expects dinner to be made.)
I’ve also been noticing a lot of women who complain about their male counterparts to the whole world, airing their dirty laundry for all to see. Some have read my articles here and commented on how my marriage must be “so perfect.” It’s wonderful, but by no means perfect because we are not perfect people. I just don’t post our arguments and problems for the reading pleasure of the whole world because that somehow doesn’t fall into the description of “loving and respecting your husband.”
That goes for girlfriends too, because if you can’t keep your arguments private while you’re dating, and if you can’t respect his privacy and human nature before you’re married, what in the world makes you think you’re going to afterwards?
So no, our marriage is not without its bumps sometimes, but that doesn’t mean those things turn into articles. There might sometime be an exception to this rule if at some point an argument in our house could be a lesson for someone else out there, but that exception would be made by mutual consent.


One thought on ““You’d better love me. Like lots of babies love me.”

  1. “Honey, you’d better really love me. A lot. Like, lots of babies a lot.” Love that line. 🙂 Sounds like he went to a lot of work to fix that drain.

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