Dear Diary: Things in my Yard

Dear Diary,

This is not starting off to be a very good morning. Daddy is always talking about how I have such an easy life, but he doesn’t understand the half of it. I went to bed when I was supposed to last night, but Mommy and Daddy stayed up talking for a while. Then this morning, when I woke up at five and tried to let them know it was morning-time, they got mad at me! It’s not MY fault you didn’t go to bed when you were supposed to so now you’re tired in the morning-time. Morning-time is morning-time and, yes, it was still dark, but I can tell the sun is on its way so that means it’s time to get up.

Plus, I had to poop. And that was important too.

Then, after Daddy left to go wherever it is he goes all the time, Mommy took me outside to play. I found a big piece of tree and I was very happy. I carried it around the yard for a long time to make sure nobody would steal it. Then I peed on it too, just in case. But then there was this terrible screeching noise right behind me that scared me so bad I dropped my tree! It was that mean old gardener man who comes in my yard when I don’t want him to and he doesn’t run away like the others. He was calling to ANOTHER gardener man, who then came into my yard too and there were TWO OF THEM! In MY yard! And I don’t like that.

Mommy made me come inside. She said the gardener doesn’t need me to chase him and bark at him, but I think he does. Otherwise, how is he going to learn to stay out of other people’s yards where he doesn’t belong? So I came inside like Mommy said and then barked at him from on top of the big bed, where I can see him out the window. He can’t get me up here.

I should see if he knows anything about the big black dog that comes into my yard at night, though. Maybe he can make his screechy noise and scare it away. I see it every night when I go to my special pooping spot by the tall grass, and he is always there, watching me. I bark at him but he follows me everywhere, and when I get closer he gets bigger! And he has a human too! A big black human that looks a little like Mommy but scarier. Mommy will point her light-stick at the dog and his human and they go away, but when she moves her light-stick they come back! I don’t want him in my special pooping spot! But Mommy laughs when I bark at him and try to chase him away. His human doesn’t want him to bark at me either, though, because when Mommy grabs my collar to bring me inside, the black dog’s human grabs his collar too and they go back to their house in the tall grass. I am very confused by the big black dog and I spend most of my days lying on the big bed plotting how to get rid of him.

I have another attack planned for this evening. I will let you know if I am ever successful.

Sloppy kisses,

Meera

(Side note: The gophers are in my yard too, but I’ve been watching them for weeks and they never come close to my house, so I am getting used to them. Mommy says they are not in my yard, but they are standing in grass that I can see from my window, so that means it’s my yard.)

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2 thoughts on “Dear Diary: Things in my Yard

  1. Meera,
    Yeah, I understand. We have a big fence so people don’t come in our yard, but there is a hole I can see out. I see other dogs walking their humans all the time. I try to talk to them, but most won’t talk back, guess they aren’t very friendly. We don’t have a gardener man, but we have a big green monster that sleeps in the shed. About once a week it wakes up making all sorts of noise. Daddy has to jump on it and they circle the yard a bunch of times. It spits up grass all over the place, once in a while it will spit out a toy I forgot and left in the grass. Finally after circling the yard a while I guess it gets tired and goes back to sleep and Daddy puts it back under the shed. I bark at it sometimes, but It just ignores me. Don’t tell but sometimes when it’s sleeping I pee on it..hehehehehe.
    Sometimes I bring Daddy a toy, and he’ll throw it away, I go get it and give it back. He’ll throw it again, this will go on for a while until I just get tired of it and keep it for myself. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want it.
    I’m not sure what a gopher is, we don’t have those. We did meet an opossum the other night. Somehow he got in our yard. We all thought it would be funny to sneak up on him and scare him. You know as a prank, well that kind of back fired. I think he hard a heart attack or something, because he just fell over and laid on the ground. We kept yelling at him to wake up, but he wouldn’t. Finally Daddy came out and got him, maybe took him to the hospital. I hope he’s ok. Anyway, I better get off Daddy’s computer before he comes back.

    Mr. Taz Man

    • Wow taz man! That big green monster sounds scary! The gardener man has something that makes a lot of noise, but mommy always makes me go inside so I’ve never seen it. The grass always tickles my belly a bit less after he uses it though. I don’t know what happened to your oppossum, but I scared an egret bird one time and it tripped over a stick and ran into the wall when it tried to get away. They are not very smart. Thanks for writing back to me! Love, Meera

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