Train(s) of Thought

Isn’t it funny how the mind works? Stream of consciousness is an interesting rabbit hole to fall into when you really think about it. (Or should you think about it? Because if you think about thinking then you’re really using your brain to think about your brain and… Whoah… That hurts.)

Anyway. While I was in the shower tonight I was thinking about the episode of Gilmore Girls I just finished watching, which led to thoughts of journalism and how I’m sort of in journalism, which then led to my job and whether I will always like my job, then on to how to spice up my job on boring days, which leads us to office games and word of the day calendars. And then, somewhere in the midst of deciding what topic my word of the day calendar should have, my subconscious mind asked me a question.

How does word of the day toilet paper work?

…and this is where my train of thought finally got stuck, because here I am, half an hour later, still thinking about how word of the day toilet paper must work.

I mean, there are so many potential factors to consider.

What is a “standard amount” of toilet paper per person? What if you use toilet paper more than once a day? What if you’re not feeling well and you have a major bathroom incident and need to use more than the “standard amount” of paper?

Also, is this nice, thick, two-sheets-per-visit toilet paper that rich people buy? Or is this the paper-thin, need-a-whole-roll kind purchased by poor college students (and college employees, and colleges themselves, for that matter)? 

At first I was thinking it would be like a calendar, but that would be disasterous! What if you had an aforementioned bathroom incident and used two days’ worth of paper? Then it might be Sept. 21 in the real world but Sept. 23 on the roll! You could never fix that! Also, if it were like a calendar, you would have to be sure to buy the appropriate roll for the week you are currently in and put the rolls on in consecutive order so as not to get your Christmas-themed December words in the middle of October. 

And what would stores do with all the leftover August toilet paper on Sept. 1? Nobody wants outdated roll words. Such a faux-pas. 

And you’d definitely have to memorize your newfound vocabulary pretty quickly because once it’s been used, you’re not going to want to reference it again.

And you also have to consider the…

Oh, just a minute – I have to go to the bathroom.

Fall is coming!

The transition periods between summer and winter (the two two-week periods sometimes known as “spring” and “fall”) are my favorite times of the year. This past weekend the Mister and I enjoyed a free outdoor concert bundled up in warm sweatshirts surrounded by trailers selling absurd things like fried oreos and pickled sausages on sticks. The fields are being harvested, football is upon us, fair season is in full swing and it will soon be time for hayrides, bonfires, pumpkins and spiced apple cider.

Sunday afternoon I found a blanket tucked high in the spare closet and spread it out in the speckled sunshine under a tree to read the Gone With the Wind sequel and let the dog enjoy some outdoor time. It was wonderful.

(Of course, when I’m short on time Meera needs to smell every blade of grass in the yard, but when I settle down with the express intention to let her roam to her heart’s content, she wants to lay her head on my book and whine until we go in. But I powered through.)

My in-laws came for the Tennessee Soybean Festival this past weekend and were impressed by its size and variety. I think they expected a small ride or two and a hot dog stand, but let me tell you, our little town can throw a major party when it wants to! A good time was had by all, and I got two cute dresses and a killer pair of red high heels from a new consignment store downtown, so I’m certainly pleased with the whole experience.

Work has been INSANE the past few weeks as we try to get the year’s second issue of our alumni magazine out the door in three weeks, instead of the few months we usually have. I thought our graphic design guy was going to have a stroke at a few different points, but we got it put to bed yesterday afternoon and should have all taken the day off today. Yet the world still turns.

Oh, and speaking of craziness at work, I would like to remind everyone reading this that my office did not design the internet and does not control the media schedules and decisions of every (or any) newspaper in the area. You would not believe (or maybe you would, I don’t know) the number of employees that contact us on a regular basis to complain about how Facebook works, or how website links work, or to ask us to put an event that happens TOMORROW AFTERNOON in tomorrow morning’s issue of the local paper. (Four times just yesterday, if you’re keeping count.)

We also have no control over the laws of physics. If you want a certain amount of text and photos on a sheet of paper, you have to either make your content fit the paper or make the size of the content smaller. We cannot physically put four pages worth of material on the front and back of an 8.5×11 sheet of paper and keep it at 12 pt font or greater. That’s not our incompetence, that’s just physics, and it came along LONG before we were ever around.

Just some friendly reminders. Please take pity on the little people who don’t control the world.

Thanks.