Ok, so I lasted two months. I’ve been finding out recently that so many more people cared about my little corner of the Internet and were disappointed to see it go than I realized, so I’ve returned by popular demand.
(I’ll wait while you finish your happy dance.)
Today’s edition is called “We Hate Snow because Students are Babies.” These comments are real questions and comments we’ve received about why school is in session with less than an inch of dry powder on the ground. I’ve curated a few of my favorites and given the unofficial response that we’re not allowed to actually give but really wish we could.
“So what are you guys going to do about the weather because it’s supposed to continue until 11” (via Facebook)
Actually, we were just about to phone God and let Him know our students are being terribly inconvenienced by His choice of forecast for today and demand an immediate reversal of the decision.
“Who do I send my wrecker bill to?” (called in to the information help line)
…Your insurance company…? You have the power of free will. Yes, classes are in session and there might be a penalty if you don’t attend, but you could still choose not to attend if you’re that horrible of a driver.
(via website suggestion link) “Suggestion: Cancel classes when roads are obviously to bad for commuters to make it to the school”
I got here from the other side of town. My coworker got here from Union City. A hundred other employees got here from various parts of the region. Do you think your future boss is going to close the office for every single snowflake?
(from our last snow, campus closed) “Thanks for cancelling classes! Now is the gym open or nah…”
Let’s see here… the roads are too slick for you to get to class and we didn’t value your life enough to close campus earlier so you could turn off your alarm clock… but you want to come to the gym?
(from last snow, next day, campus open) “We are not penguins ! because the sidewalks in campus is unsafe, I saw black ice in parking lot”
First of all, you don’t see black ice. That’s the whole definition of black ice. Secondly, if the sidewalk is slick, walk in the grass for better traction. And third, you obviously need to attend your English class today, regardless of the weather.
Universities have historically rarely cancelled classes or closed offices. This is a fairly recent phenomenon, driven largely by an unwillingness to deal with “dissatisfied customers.” In fact, this institution hadn’t cancelled classes in more than a decade until my sophomore year when we legitimately had three inches of ice on every surface. Ever since then, it’s been a routine thing to close campus at the mere threat of frozen precipitation.
It’s wasted a lot of class hours, taxpayer dollars and student tuition money. You’ve paid thousands of dollars to be here, I would think you would want to be here getting your money’s worth unless it was just dangerously impossible.
Maybe if we figured up how much an unnecessary snow day costs each student…
White flakes falling from the sky is called snow. It’s not an automatic emergency situation. There is less than an inch on the ground and it’s dry and fluffy. Don’t speed and slam on your brakes and you’ll be fine.
Put on your big boy or girl underwear and learn to be an adult. College will end eventually and then you’ll be in for a shock by what’s actually expected of you.