Ok, so I lasted two months. I’ve been finding out recently that so many more people cared about my little corner of the Internet and were disappointed to see it go than I realized, so I’ve returned by popular demand.

(I’ll wait while you finish your happy dance.)

Today’s edition is called “We Hate Snow because Students are Babies.” These comments are real questions and comments we’ve received about why school is in session with less than an inch of dry powder on the ground. I’ve curated a few of my favorites and given the unofficial response that we’re not allowed to actually give but really wish we could.

“So what are you guys going to do about the weather because it’s supposed to continue until 11” (via Facebook)

Actually, we were just about to phone God and let Him know our students are being terribly inconvenienced by His choice of forecast for today and demand an immediate reversal of the decision.

“Who do I send my wrecker bill to?” (called in to the information help line)

…Your insurance company…? You have the power of free will. Yes, classes are in session and there might be a penalty if you don’t attend, but you could still choose not to attend if you’re that horrible of a driver.

(via website suggestion link) “Suggestion: Cancel classes when roads are obviously to bad for commuters to make it to the school”

I got here from the other side of town. My coworker got here from Union City. A hundred other employees got here from various parts of the region. Do you think your future boss is going to close the office for every single snowflake?

(from our last snow, campus closed) “Thanks for cancelling classes! Now is the gym open or nah…”

Let’s see here… the roads are too slick for you to get to class and we didn’t value your life enough to close campus earlier so you could turn off your alarm clock… but you want to come to the gym?

(from last snow, next day, campus open) “We are not penguins ! because the sidewalks in campus is unsafe, I saw black ice in parking lot”

First of all, you don’t see black ice. That’s the whole definition of black ice. Secondly, if the sidewalk is slick, walk in the grass for better traction. And third, you obviously need to attend your English class today, regardless of the weather.

Universities have historically rarely cancelled classes or closed offices. This is a fairly recent phenomenon, driven largely by an unwillingness to deal with “dissatisfied customers.” In fact, this institution hadn’t cancelled classes in more than a decade until my sophomore year when we legitimately had three inches of ice on every surface. Ever since then, it’s been a routine thing to close campus at the mere threat of frozen precipitation.

It’s wasted a lot of class hours, taxpayer dollars and student tuition money. You’ve paid thousands of dollars to be here, I would think you would want to be here getting your money’s worth unless it was just dangerously impossible.

Maybe if we figured up how much an unnecessary snow day costs each student…

White flakes falling from the sky is called snow. It’s not an automatic emergency situation. There is less than an inch on the ground and it’s dry and fluffy. Don’t speed and slam on your brakes and you’ll be fine.

Put on your big boy or girl underwear and learn to be an adult. College will end eventually and then you’ll be in for a shock by what’s actually expected of you.


Meera and the disappearing fluff balls

The Mister and I woke up yesterday morning to a scene most of you have seen at your own houses – a world covered in glittering fairy dust (aka – the snow that’s keeping us all out of school this week). I had actually seen it at 3:15 a.m. – and again at 5:30 a.m. – because Meera was sick all night and wouldn’t let us get any sleep. The first time I took her outside, the snow was so bright I didn’t need a flashlight. She plowed right in, hardly seeming to take notice except to look around in confusion because she couldn’t find the grass. That expedition was a potty-break failure. The second trip out worked though, because she was at the point that she didn’t care where the grass had gone, she had to go and she was going to go wherever she wanted.

After that she slept. Finally. And we slept. Sort of.

Good thing we didn’t have class or work yesterday because neither one of us would have been able to stay awake to write full sentences. Meera was very quiet and slept most of the day – she was as exhausted as we were – but we woke her up around lunchtime to see what she would do when confronted with a white-washed world in the daytime.

Now remember, she was born and spent the first year and a half of her life on a Caribbean island. She’d never experienced cold until we came home and the seasons started to change. We live in Tennessee, so she’d certainly never seen snow beyond a few flurry flakes. We expected her to be hesitant, or to flat-out refuse to leave the stairwell.

We did not expect her to dash out the door, snow flying, skidding on the ice, sticking her head into the drifts and completely, totally loving every second of it.

But that’s what she did. She dug into drifts and was delighted to find grass at the bottom! She chased her ball and dug it out when we covered it up. And, it seems mean, but she LOVED when we would get great armfuls of powdered snow and dump them on top of her! She wanted to be covered in it, and then shake it off in a cloud of powder. She wanted to jump and leap and catch it all and eat huge mouthfuls off the sidewalk. She would get up to top speed on the smooth part and then stop suddenly – I think purely for the purpose of sliding and sending up sprays of snow. Just like a child! It was so much fun to watch her experience this new thing.

Her favorite trick though was Daddy’s amazing ability to create white balls with his hands and then throw them — AND THEY DISAPPEARED!! Rather than getting frustrated when she couldn’t find the snowball, she would run back to us at full speed and jump around until we threw another for her to chase. I’ve included some short video clips below.

It’s the little things in life. 🙂

How is your snow week going? Are you off work? Have you tried to drive? Let us know what it looks like in your area.

Kudos to the Eskimos

I’m not gonna lie – all the weather reports from back home make me feel pretty good about throwing open my balcony doors each day to greet the tropical sunshine.

We don’t have snow. We don’t have black ice.

But, as the Mister pointed out last night, we also don’t have Taco Bell’s new XXL steak nachos, so there are pros and cons to everything.

One of my best friends, Ari, has a special gift. Every year, without fail, there has been snowfall within a week of her birthday (tomorrow). Even when there hasn’t been a hint of a snowflake all winter, it’s 55 degrees outside and Punxsutawney Phil has predicted an early spring, there is STILL snow within a week of Ari’s special day. This year, however, she seems to have overdone it a bit.

I, for one, would almost like some of that winter weather to make its way here, just for the fun of seeing how the natives would respond. We think it’s chilly here when the evening air comes off the water at a balmy 70 degrees. I throw on a hoodie to take the dog outside. No shame. But I at least know what real winter feels like. The people we go to church with find out our hometowns had single digit temps and their faces fall slack. Literally. Like cartoon characters. They cannot wrap their brains around that kind of cold.

[Quite frankly I can’t either, since we got out of dodge the day before the polar vortex froze the northern hemisphere, but I at least know what it’s like to have to dress like the abominable snowman. My roommate had to help me dress several times in college because I would wear my fleece pajama pants under my jeans and she’d have to pull the legs of the bottom pair down under the top pair so they didn’t bunch up at the knees. It’s what friends are for, right?]

So this is one time I’m actually grateful for the Mister’s school choices and the six-hour plane ride between us and the great white north (ironically, Tennessee, not Canada).

So kudos to all of you freezing your tails off back in the States; I applaud your courage. Be safe driving (and walking, and climbing stairs) and make smart choices (i.e. – stay home in your fleece pajamas whenever you can). And if you can drag your frozen feet into an airport terminal, come visit us! We have a pull-out couch. 🙂