SURPRISE!

Ok, so I lasted two months. I’ve been finding out recently that so many more people cared about my little corner of the Internet and were disappointed to see it go than I realized, so I’ve returned by popular demand.

(I’ll wait while you finish your happy dance.)

Today’s edition is called “We Hate Snow because Students are Babies.” These comments are real questions and comments we’ve received about why school is in session with less than an inch of dry powder on the ground. I’ve curated a few of my favorites and given the unofficial response that we’re not allowed to actually give but really wish we could.

“So what are you guys going to do about the weather because it’s supposed to continue until 11” (via Facebook)

Actually, we were just about to phone God and let Him know our students are being terribly inconvenienced by His choice of forecast for today and demand an immediate reversal of the decision.

“Who do I send my wrecker bill to?” (called in to the information help line)

…Your insurance company…? You have the power of free will. Yes, classes are in session and there might be a penalty if you don’t attend, but you could still choose not to attend if you’re that horrible of a driver.

(via website suggestion link) “Suggestion: Cancel classes when roads are obviously to bad for commuters to make it to the school”

I got here from the other side of town. My coworker got here from Union City. A hundred other employees got here from various parts of the region. Do you think your future boss is going to close the office for every single snowflake?

(from our last snow, campus closed) “Thanks for cancelling classes! Now is the gym open or nah…”

Let’s see here… the roads are too slick for you to get to class and we didn’t value your life enough to close campus earlier so you could turn off your alarm clock… but you want to come to the gym?

(from last snow, next day, campus open) “We are not penguins ! because the sidewalks in campus is unsafe, I saw black ice in parking lot”

First of all, you don’t see black ice. That’s the whole definition of black ice. Secondly, if the sidewalk is slick, walk in the grass for better traction. And third, you obviously need to attend your English class today, regardless of the weather.

Universities have historically rarely cancelled classes or closed offices. This is a fairly recent phenomenon, driven largely by an unwillingness to deal with “dissatisfied customers.” In fact, this institution hadn’t cancelled classes in more than a decade until my sophomore year when we legitimately had three inches of ice on every surface. Ever since then, it’s been a routine thing to close campus at the mere threat of frozen precipitation.

It’s wasted a lot of class hours, taxpayer dollars and student tuition money. You’ve paid thousands of dollars to be here, I would think you would want to be here getting your money’s worth unless it was just dangerously impossible.

Maybe if we figured up how much an unnecessary snow day costs each student…

White flakes falling from the sky is called snow. It’s not an automatic emergency situation. There is less than an inch on the ground and it’s dry and fluffy. Don’t speed and slam on your brakes and you’ll be fine.

Put on your big boy or girl underwear and learn to be an adult. College will end eventually and then you’ll be in for a shock by what’s actually expected of you.

 

Hurricane off the port bow!!

(Bonus reader points if you know which of my favorite movies that line comes from.)

Ok, so it’s not hurricane season yet (that starts in June), but you can sure tell we’re headed in that direction. The weather here has been beautiful – your idyllic Caribbean vacation weather – since early December. “Summer” (as opposed to what, I don’t really know) doesn’t technically start until May, but those of us who have been here through the “winter” can already tell it’s starting to heat up again.

Of course, “heating up” is a very relative idea around here.

Basically I mean that there isn’t quite as much breeze off the water, the ceiling fan doesn’t seem to be quite as effective as it was and I find myself kicking off the bed covers more often than last month.

Yes, I know, all my polar vortex friends back home are throwing things at their computer screens right now and making up new things to call me.

You’d think that as a Tennessean I’d be used to the unrelenting humidity that makes you want to take a shower every time you step outside. But I’ve realized that, at home, you get to go inside. You endure the pressing heat for the time it takes you to get to your car or into a building, and then you cool down and spend the majority of your day inside an air conditioned office, house or vehicle. So, yes, your desktop weather report might say the temperatures and humidity levels are technically the same here as they are at my parents’ house, but remember, we don’t have air conditioning, so 89% humidity is a lot hotter when you have nowhere to go to escape it.

My in-laws are coming to visit at the end of April and asked me what they should pack to wear, because “it’ll be in April, so it won’t be so hot yet.” Ummm…. no. When the Mister and I got off the airplane at the end of last April, I thought I was going to have an instantaneous heat stroke right there on the tarmac. And we stayed that way for eight months.

But, rejoice! I only have one more summer to spend here and then I’ll be back in the great land of the changing seasons! (Albeit, just in time for Tennessee summer and tornado season, but, like I said, air conditioning makes a big difference.)

Can’t wait to see what Meera makes of her first cold snap…..

If it ever stops raining….

So, in undergrad in Martin, we sometimes had what we referred to as “monsoon season,” where it would pour down rain for a week straight and we basically never untucked our jeans from our rain boots. (Side note – You can tell a lot about a person by their rain boots, by the way. Brightly colored, patterned, outfit coordinated… Mine are plain black rubber with green soles, which either tells you I’m boring or that I ran to WalMart between classes during freshman year because I hadn’t believed upperclassmen when they told us to bring rain boots, so I didn’t have any and the water was rising fast and I had class again in 20 minutes so I grabbed the first pair that fit. Whichever floats your boat.)

Well, here in the Caribbean, they aren’t kidding when they say “monsoon season.” I haven’t been able to see anything out the window but part of our front yard and a dense, suffocating whiteness where the Marriott golf course usually is for four days now. I’ve never seen so much rain… not even in Martin. I don’t know if we’re being passed by a tropical storm or if this is just how the rainy season is, but it’s definitely here with a vengeance.

The puppy is unhappy being inside all day long, but we have discovered that plastic bottles make excellent dog toys as they flip and flop around on the floor, making the puppy chase them while they make a terrible racket that can be heard from the yard. The temperature is WONDERFUL, though! It actually feels like October! So I’m actually not complaining about the rain – as long as the temp stays down and the internet stays on I’m fine – but it turns out the puppy is afraid of thunder and we’ve had more of that in the last few days than people say St. Kitts has had in years. I love it, but Meera does not and curls up beside us on the couch with her nose stuck between the cushions like the proverbial ostrich hiding its head in the sand.

The lowlands around the golf course are starting a flood a little and the trenches (called “guts”) that channel inland water back out to the ocean are rushing. This sort of weather is why they tell you not to park in guts, many of which serve as primary roads through Basseterre. I wonder how many cars have been washed out to sea this weekend… (Yes, that does happen. Which is why you shouldn’t park in guts.)

If it ever stops raining, I’m going to take Meera for a long walk on the golf course and see what she thinks of the ocean. If it ever stops raining we’ll be able to take the car and replace the windshield wipers so we can actually drive in the rain without sticking our heads out the windows. If it ever stops raining, I’ll go grocery shopping again. If it ever stops raining…